Content Warning: This story contains discussion of suicide attempts and ideation. Reader discretion is advised.

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Jordan is one of the compassionate team members at Lighthouse’s Crisis Center in Durant. He may initially appear intimidating as a 6-foot-5, 380-pound man, but fighting for survival started early for Jordan. His mother found herself in a scary situation, pregnant with him and involved in an abusive relationship with his biological father. The doctor identified Jordan’s strength, telling his mother, “He’s tough. He's still there,” says Jordan, who grew into a big man with a gentle voice and kind heart.  

 

The stability Jordan needed to thrive as a child didn’t exist. His biological father was sentenced to prison. His mother was in the military, which resulted in multiple moves. New cities and new relationships created years of loneliness and depression. Around his tenth birthday, after another move to Oklahoma, Jordan explained, “My parents were going through a lot and not able to give me the attention, as a kid, that I really needed.”   

 

Jordan found the comfort he needed in food. Weight gain and the instability of life made him a prime target for being bullied at school. Then, a suicide in the family sent everyone spiraling, including him. “My aunt, my mom’s sister, ended her life. My mom had been an alcoholic for several years, but that’s when it hit the fan,” remembers Jordan. After returning from her sister’s funeral in Alabama, his mother started drinking and took a handful of painkillers. His stepfather tried to stop her. Jordan remembers her putting on her nicest clothes and fixing her hair and make-up. “She was getting ready for her own funeral.”  

 

It was more than Jordan, only a child at the time, could process. That became the catalyst for his own self-harm. A few weeks later, during a winter storm, he walked outside and tried to end his life as well. Over the next few years, self-harm would be his way to manage his pain. It would give him a “release,” he says, while also describing it as “my poison.” It would come in the form of cutting and, eventually, two more suicide attempts. 

 

Instability at home and bullying at school led Jordan to believe that life wasn’t worth living. At age 18, while working as a laser operator at a manufacturing company, he found himself homeless, living under an overpass. At that point, he knew something had to change. Looking back, he realized, it would be his step-grandmother, a woman not even related to him, who would give him the strength he needed to make it through a turbulent childhood to make the changes necessary. “She had taken me in without a second thought and taught me what I needed to be more resilient,” he says.  

 

Ending his life was a constant consideration until he met his future wife, Morgan. Motivated by his desire for a positive relationship with Morgan and fueled by what his step-grandmother taught him, he began to make important changes in his life. He found his calling, his pathway to change. He fell in love, fathered two beautiful boys, and became a source of encouragement, direction, and hope for others battling that same darkness. “I’ve dealt with a lot of depression, a few suicide attempts, definitely some violence against me, and so I understand the struggles,” says Jordan, concerning his work as a Peer Recovery Support Specialist for Lighthouse Behavioral Wellness Centers. Multiple people failed him. Three times he gave up on life, but life did not give up on him.  

 

 “I definitely had some disturbances, but I also just had too much time on my hands to sit and think. Now, I keep myself busy all day. Being a parent forces you to do that,” says Jordan, who stopped the interview to address his son, Keegan, 4, who was waiting patiently for dad to finish so they could play Legos. Meanwhile, son Kameron, 18 months, was taking a nap.  

 

“Being a father has been the greatest joy. If I hadn’t been a father, I don’t think I would be as good at my job as I am,” says Jordan. “Being a father teaches patience. If you’re willing to learn, that is. It teaches accountability. It teaches fallibility…It teaches that it’s okay to fail…Certainly, working crisis has taught me that, too.”  

 

His work at Lighthouse, he says, has brought insight, purpose, and support into his life. “Lighthouse has taught me to be tolerant and resilient, and those are two skills that I can bring with me anywhere,” he says. And there’s a future full of hope and recovery just waiting for people who come through the doors of Lighthouse. “When I share my story, I notice people tend to relax a bit. They start to feel a little less scared,” says Jordan, who. “They’reunderstandably worried, but as soon as I start talking, they realize I’m not scary. People usually feel like they’re being heard whenever someone who has a similar story is there to listen.”  

 

Jordan takes great pride in being someone who will listen, provide comfort, and help clients know that he understands. He’s been there. He shares his story. His journey makes him uniquely qualified to reach some of the clientsstruggling the most. “I try to embody the people I needed as a kid. Someone to just be able to talk with in a genuinely nonjudgmental setting,” says Jordan, reflecting on his own life experience. “That’s what I try to bring to the table.”  

 

At Lighthouse, he has the opportunity to change lives, but his work has changed his life, too. “My time at Lighthouse has definitely taught me to be more tolerant,” he says. “I used to be more of a pushover, but Lighthouse has given me the confidence that I wouldn’t otherwise have. It’s also helped me in my personal life situations, too, especially when my kids are overwhelming, my life is overwhelming, or I get home from a day that is overwhelming. You can’t give in. You must stay strong. And Lighthouse has taught me the best way to be strong, tolerant, and resilient. That starts with understanding how to forgive myself and by helping others to find forgiveness. I am not immortal, indestructible, or all-knowing. I am only human." 

 

Jordan’s story isn’t nearly done, yet. He’s only getting started.  

After becoming a Peer Recovery Support Specialist, he also became a Certified Behavioral Health Wellness Coach. Along with that milestone, he’s attending Southeastern Oklahoma State University in Durant to earn his bachelor’s degree in psychology. “Around the time our oldest was born, we were dealing with a lot of stress in our personal and work life, and I finally started having the ambition to do more for people in crisis,” says Jordan, who has a passion to make recovery a real possibility. That’s what he teaches his boys and that’s how he treats his clients: consistently- listening, sharing, and supporting so they can all live a life full of hope, just like him.